Stupid Cupid!
by NixenSya
Summary: The Cupid has visited Hermione Granger so she can spread the love on Valentine's Day! Unfortunately, Hermione prefers to use his tools to get some fun with people... Including Draco Malfoy!  DMHG


Hello guys!

First fic posted on _Hawthorne and Vine, _as well as my first in the Harry Potter fandom_! _Sqweee! Hope you like my first completed Dramione ever! By the way, this is Pre-HBP, just so you know. It's more fun that way. ^.~

So, RE&R! Meaning, Read, Enjoy, and REVIEW!

Now presenting you...

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_**Stupid**__** Cupid!**_

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It was the Valentine's Day - the most dreadful holiday ever, on Hermione Granger's opinion. Why waste one entire day on cherishing your time with your loved one? Shouldn't you always do that? And why all those chocolates, and flowers and paper-cut red and pink hearts that only made the solitary ones feel lonely?

Not that it was her case. Seriously, she didn't feel lonely. At all. Really. She didn't care about that kind of stuff – her books were just as good as any boyfriend.

Now if she just could convince herself of that...

So it was with an annoyed sigh that Hermione Granger got up on the 14th of February, already dreading the pink and red coloured day that awaited her. And it was with wide eyes and a startled yelp that she fell to the floor, taken by surprise by the teenager boy with blonde curls, white wings and heart-shaped arrows that had appeared right in front of her. He chuckled, and helped her up.

"Hullo, Hermione Granger. I am the Cupid and I have a job for you."

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Hermione huffed and puffed all the way to the breakfast, constantly adjusting the straps that held the Cupid's instruments to her shoulder. Damn things were a hell lot more heavier than they looked. Even though she seemed to be struggling with thin air (the Cupid had assured her that the bow, the arrows and even the bag were invisible), no one gave her any odd looks, so involved with their valentines that they were. If she were in her normal state of mind, she would have sneered and taken House points because of the excessive public displays of affection. But now, after her little _talk_, if you could call it that, with the Cupid, her mind was quite more preoccupied with the chore at hand than with the snogging couples strewn all around the castle.

The Cupid had asked her to make the solitary ones find someone to love. Honestly! Her? Hermione Granger, the bookworm know-it-all, hater of all things pink and heart-shaped? Hah. It seemed rather like a joke, at least until the blonde cherubim had handed her the bow and the arrows and she had felt the ancient magic that emanated from them. And she, enchanted and drunk with all the powerful magic, had foolishly accepted the task! Idiot!

Oh, and the nerve of that guy! While disappearing in a cloud of pink smoke (really, could he be any more dramatic?), he had winked cheekily at her and said, 'hey, while you're at it, try to get yourself a boyfriend at stop being so uptight, alright?'. The nerve! Who did he think he was, the Cupid himself? ...Oh. Right.

Awkwardly sitting down amongst her peers on the Gryffindor table, she clumsily manoeuvred herself and the Cupid's tools to a more comfortable position, which, by the word 'tried', you must have deduced that she wasn't successful. And you would be quite correct.

Huffing, and after deciding that it wasn't worth the trouble, Hermione decided to simple take a buttered toast and eat along the way. Slipping out of the Great Hall with a huge bow and an amazing assortment of heart-pointed arrows, however, proved to be slightly more problematic than she expected, accidentally knocking down people and hitting a few of the students with the love arrows. Needless it is to say that there were some more snogging love-struck couples than there had been five minutes before her escape.

"You know what?", she muttered to herself. "This could be fun."

As if on cue, one certain greasy-haired Head of House passed by her, not sparing her a glance. Smirking deviously (she quite looked like a Slytherin, mind you, but I don't think you want to tell her that if you don't want to be hexed), Hermione slowly drew the bow and an arrow from her satchel, carefully aiming it to her second-to-least favourite teacher, Severus Snape.

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After leaving a serenading Snape professing his love to a thoroughly disgusted Minerva McGonnagall, Hermione snickered all the way to the dungeons, very certain that there wouldn't be much of a class at all.

Now, don't get me wrong. Yes, Hermione Granger was a know-it-all bookworm, teacher's pet through and through. But even the quietest of the girls has a rebellious streak inside of her, waiting to be left out and to create havoc, even if she did end up feeling guilty after everything was over. Unfortunately for the poor and unsuspecting Hogwarts' inhabitants, today was the day when Hermione Granger's unruly evil twin was let out to control her body (and mind, by the way).

Still smirking evilly, which left her fellow students shuddering where they stood (for she looked too much like a Slytherin when she did that, as I have mentioned before), the bushy-haired witch arrived at the door of Snape's classroom, where the usual amount of bickering students of rival houses was waiting for their teacher.

Taking her usual stance by Harry and Ron, her best friends since their first year's Halloween, she silently watched the Gryffindor's tense stances and their hands on the wands (the wooden ones, mind you! Take your mind out of the gutter, people!), and the Slytherin's sneers and drawn wands on their side (the same applies to them, you know), she sighed, shook her head, and leaned against the wall.

"Honestly, boys..." She mumbled. "Can never solve their problems subtly, can they?"

Drawing out another arrow (and taking three more just to be safe), she absentmindedly prepared the bow, aiming at a random Slytherin (well, you didn't think she would do such a cruel thing to one of her fellow Gryffindors, now do you? Hum, on second thought...)

_Swischhh!_

It struck him right on his left buttock, dissipating into the unfortunate guy's bloodstream before he could even blink twice. Stifling her laughter into her hand, the brightest witch of her age watched as a cloud of pink smoke appeared around him, pink hearts replacing his irises for a few seconds before turning back to normal. Of course, no one noticed any of this, since only people who were conceded Cupid-ish powers for the day could see any of it.

"Oh, Lavender, you have the most beautiful eyes! Your name is like that lovely colouring crayon's shade! I love you!"

That did it. While everyone stood shocked at the Slytherin boy's (which turned out to be Theodore Nott) behaviour, Hermione collapsed to the ground in a fit of full-blown laughter.

Obviously, Nott's unexpected declaration (to say the least) had made everyone drop their wands in disbelief, effectively stopping the fight before it even started.

Not wanting to break the pitiable boy's heart (or just to get revenge at the annoying bint, really), the Gryffindor Princess prepared another arrow, and aimed at Lavender. Unfortunately, since she was still pretty much rolling around in laughter, she missed. Completely.

She ended up hitting Goyle instead. And it wasn't a pretty sight.

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She was sneaky. She was cunning. She was stealthy. She was a match-maker. She was... Hermione, the She-Cupid.

Now, don't annoy her about her title. There aren't many she could chose from. Honestly, what would she be called? The Cupidess? The Cupidette? The Super-Cupid-Girl?

Back to the subject at hand. She might be all that, but she _still _hadn't found Draco Malfoy, King of Ferrets himself. You would have thought that spot of white-blond hair would be easy to notice, but _nooooooo_. How come that when you didn't want to face him, he was everywhere, but when you wanted to get revenge he just disappeared? Life was unfair.

Who would have thought the arrows worked on ghosts, too? As a test (just curiosity, really, not revenge for pouring a bucket of ice-cold water all over her and her precious books last week), Hermione had hid behind the statue of Bobby the Wild Giant (which was only ten feet high for such a tall giant) and aimed at Peeves, which was now singing around the corridors about love and boogies (don't ask) to the rusty armours which decorated the hallways.

'Focus, Hermione.'

Where was the bloody git when you needed to executate an incredible and extremely elaborated form of revenge on him? – not that it was extremely elaborated or incredible, mind you, but Hermione always had a knack for exaggerating everything, even the act of pushing a string and aiming a pink arrow to her chosen victi- ahem, target. Coincidentally, at the same said vic- target was looking at someone positively horrendous, like... say, Millicent Bullstrode. Or maybe Pansy Parkinson, but she thought Bulltrode was much more suitable.

'Now, if only Malfoy appeared...'

Pouting, she resigned to wait while making other clueless students fall in love with the most unsuitable person she could think of.

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Draco Malfoy watched Hermione Granger. 'Why isn't she in Slytherin?', he o himself. 'She is as good as one.'

As he has made his way through Hogwarts that morning, Draco had noticed an enormous amount of anomalies - from Filch offering wilted and brown roses to a portrait, the Creevey kid running after a terrorized Ginny Weasley with his lips puckered, to Professor Dumbledore reciting love poems to a very amused Mrs. Norris.

Of course, that could only mean a thing.

The Cupid had gone bonkers and the Golden Trio had something to do with it.

Obviously that, after reaching such a conclusion, he had decided to trail after Potter and Weasley, expecting them to be the trouble-makers. Unfortunately, they were just as flabbergasted as he was when facing the love chaos.

So, as a last option, he had followed Granger. And stood gaping at her handiwork. Really, who would have thought Granger had such prankster traits? Not him, that was for sure.

From what he could see right now, she was looking for someone. Well, he supposed he could distract her for a little bit...

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"Oy, Granger!"

She jumped three feet in the air, taking her hand to her chest in order to calm down her rapidly beating heart.

"Malfoy! Don't shout like that!"

He smirked, his platinum blond hair falling in front of his silver eyes.

"Why, Granger? Did I scare you?" He was mocking her, and they both knew it.

She huffed, and discreetly took an arrow from her rucksack. One little move and he was al hers...

Neither of them saw a curly-haired, pink-winged teenager shoot an arrow at the Gryffindor Princess. Neither noticed the arrow in her hand being absorbed into Draco's bloodstream. All of it was lost when they lunged at each other, their lips crashing together.

Under Cupid's approving gaze, they kissed each other, losing themselves on the searing fire the other's touch created. Bodies melding together, mouths kissing and licing and sucking and biting, hands wandering all over each other's bodies - the entire school could have crashed down that none of them would have noticed.

The Cupid chuckled.

"Another work well done! Now, let's see... I think Professor Trelawney hasn't had a good snog for about ten years... Well, I better take care of that!"

And that was how, my dear readers, amongst all pink-arrow-induced chaos that was happening in Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger got together.

Now, about the poor fool Gregory Goyle ended up grossing out... That's another story.

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Well, that was shorter than what I expected. Lately, my oneshots have been sucking... lots. It seems like I can't write a decent one anymore!

Anyways, enough of my writing-induced ramble.

After I am reaching the end of one of my Danny Pahntom fics, I'll post a multi-chaptered Dramione fic - and trust me, my multi-chaptered stories are WAY better than my oneshots - in which Draco is turned into a ferret... again! And no, it's not that cliché-d. I put many twists on it xD

So, even if you hated this, review! Tell me how much you despised this!

Cute Draco plushies to everyone who reviews!

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_Love you guys!_

**Arriverdeci, everyone!**

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_**GoThYk SyA**_


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